October 7, 2017
This post is a bit of a reverse of my previous blog entry, ‘Let the Haters Hate’. It’s true that there are always going to be Negative Nancy’s (and Nathan’s for the sake of inclusivity) sitting in the corner chewing on their nails just waiting for the opportunity to tear you down. But, there will also be those people right by your side, cheering you on with a big smile and more belief in you than you have in your big toe. Are you picturing that person(s)in your life right now? Good. Keep them in mind as you keep reading.
Those people are your rock. They are your squad, team, possy, family, crew- whatever name you find most fitting. For me, those people are my husband, my family, and some close friends. I am lucky to have a pretty big support system. I know how rare this is. Trust me. Any time I have ever expressed doubt, or worry, or self deprecating behaviours (which is basically all the time, let’s be real, I’m a writer for fuck sakes) those people are there to remind me that these thoughts are not stronger than me. They ground me when I feel lost. They are also there to offer positive words even when things are going really well- which is great, because they are forthcoming with their love even when they may feel like I don’t really need it. They offer support and love because they want to, not because they think they need to. There is a big difference, and this defines your ride or die squad. For real.
These people express genuine interest in what I do and ask me questions all the time. This sort of curiosity makes me feel good, just like it makes them feel good when I turn the tables and ask them about their work: what are their struggles? What are they enjoying most at work right now? Is that same asshole employee still stealing their lunch in the break room? Has their boss started wearing a bra to work yet, or are the girls still free to rest all dilly dally over the keyboard when she invites you in for a meeting in her office? Real scenario, my friends. No fiction here.
Asking questions is important. Asking questions is the best way to show someone that you care about them and their happiness. Don’t believe me? You may want to take a hard look at how you’ve been treating the people you care about.
So, with that stated, let me get to my main point for this post: be grateful for the people around you who do support you. Be openly grateful. Tell them you are thankful for their interest and their support. Your gratitude will make them feel good, and they deserve at least that, don’t they? Furthermore, make sure it’s a two way street. Make sure you aren’t only on the receiving end. Show them the same love and support that they show you. Ask questions and LISTEN, GOD DAMN IT. Sorry for the passion and the caps, but poor listeners are the absolute WORST kind of people. Listen, digest, and store for later. Ask follow up questions the next time you see them. Don’t just be this passive presence sucking up all of their energy. That’s called selfishness, and it’s a shitty quality to have. But not unfixable. Express love, and kindness, and you might find that more support will begin flowing your way. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Not everyone can be a cheerleader. Take it as it is and move on. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to change someone, or expecting something from someone that they aren’t capable of giving. That’s not fair to anyone involved, and it’s just going to leave you feeling drained and disappointed.
So please, call up the people who have been by your side through your struggle. The people who never wavered. Tell them how much you appreciate them. Call. Text. Tell them in person- whatever floats your boat. The point is simple: just tell them.
Spread the good vibes.
On that note: thanks for reading this blog post! I am truly grateful that there are people out there who enjoy reading what I have to say. You are the best. If you want to reach out, head over to the contact me page and say hi! I would love to hear from you!
To those of you who never blinked when I told you I was going to be a writer: thanks for having faith in me all this time.